Ok, so it's almost a month later, and I'm still pregnant. I had a scare that send me to the OB, like a crazy lady, convinced I was having another miscarriage. I began spotting in the same way as last time. I was having nightmares. I just couldn't even imagine an active heartbeat growing in me. And one thing I've learned is that if I can't envision something in my imagination, it's most likely not going to happen. So I leave the kids at home alone, making up a story about needing to go help a friend with a flat tire. I go and wait for the ultrasound tech's last appointment. I sit through the previous app't coming out with her husband and parents, all aglee over the lovely baby growing in her. I hate her. I fake having to go to the bathroom twice just to not listen to them be so damned happy.
Finally, in I go. embarrassed from the waist down, I scootch down to the end and get molested by the internal wand. I'm almost in tears. So what does she see? I'm so positive she'll see a black empty sack I almost can't look. I"m so dramatic I'm annoying myself at this point, so I start making awkward and really not funny jokes. The technician is so darned sweet she pretends to laugh.
So what does she see? She sees the big dark empty sack. And a yolk sac. No heartbeat. But she says that I'm only measuring 5 weeks. Oh, that doesn't sound good. By the calendar, I'm 6 weeks; appropriate enough to see a heartbeat should there be one. But she says that for 5 weeks, you should only see a yolk sac, and no fetal pole. I didn't even know fetus' had poles. So I walk away with no answer except that I'm still momentarily pregnant. It's a whole week (or maybe a year) until my scheduled scan. Stay tuned.
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