I woke up knowing that I would get the call today. I've been anxious all day, but I carried on. In the spirit of staying involved, I went to class and had lunch with Bern. Doing just fine.
The doctor called at 4, just as my mother was walking up the front steps for a visit. Thank god for that. The doctor said right off the bat that this was a bad call. The results of the CVS culture showed Trisomy 18. He was right. That's really bad. Worse than Down's Syndrome bad. Even if I was one of those brave souls who could parent a severely disabled child, the stats are too bad. 50% are born stillborn. 90% of those don't make it to their first year. Every system in their body is compromised, from their heart to their nasal passages. There's just no way.
Instead of being able to surprise my mother with the pregnancy Christmas ornament I've been keeping, I had a nervous breakdown in the car (the only place I could get sufficient privacy from little Miss Nosy.) and she was sweet. She bought me dinner and let me stay in my pajamas. Mom's are good.
Next week, I'll lose another baby. And then I'll try again.
The doctor called at 4, just as my mother was walking up the front steps for a visit. Thank god for that. The doctor said right off the bat that this was a bad call. The results of the CVS culture showed Trisomy 18. He was right. That's really bad. Worse than Down's Syndrome bad. Even if I was one of those brave souls who could parent a severely disabled child, the stats are too bad. 50% are born stillborn. 90% of those don't make it to their first year. Every system in their body is compromised, from their heart to their nasal passages. There's just no way.
Instead of being able to surprise my mother with the pregnancy Christmas ornament I've been keeping, I had a nervous breakdown in the car (the only place I could get sufficient privacy from little Miss Nosy.) and she was sweet. She bought me dinner and let me stay in my pajamas. Mom's are good.
Next week, I'll lose another baby. And then I'll try again.
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